The advantage of letting go for conscious leaders

In my ten years of personal and professional development as a speaker, facilitator, coach and more recently a counsellor, I’ve noticed an emphasis on learning and applying new skills or mindsets. This makes sense, of course. It’s important that we continue to try out new things to grow and learn.

However, it’s my strong belief that we don’t spend enough time thinking about what we could stop doing. For example, most of us have at least some outdated and automated habits, or responses, or ways of being which no longer serve us. Usually these operate at an unconscious level. While these often feel safe and familiar, more often than not they are holding us back from the next stage of growth and potential.

I love Brianna Wiest’s way of describing this in The Mountain is You:

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.
It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.
It’s going to cost you relationships and friends.
It’s going to cost you being liked and understood.
It doesn’t matter.
The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. You’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.
Instead of being liked, you’re going to be loved. Instead of being understood, you’re going to be seen.
All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are.”

I love this description because it explains that moving forward has a price. Too often, we think of that price as a cost, as a loss, but maybe it’s more helpful to think about it as a worthwhile investment toward the person we want to become.

So much of conscious leadership is about letting go of our old way of doing things, the unconscious, automatic way of operation. This helps us truly evaluate what is working, and if it’s helping us move toward the person we want to be.

This is not easy! It means going into the unknown (if you have the lyrics from Frozen 2 in your head right now, you are not alone). Our brains do not like uncertainty. In my work I’ve frequently seen the quote: “people prefer a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven” and this speaks to our neuroscience. Any change requires requires conscious and  intentional thought and action which requires way more energy and effort than running on autopilot, and is especially hard when we already feel overwhelmed and depleted.  

Letting go of what’s not working pushes us out of our comfort zone and we often have to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves which require some honesty and compassion.

Here are a few things you may like to consider letting go of in order to move toward conscious leadership.

Let go of self-criticism

Criticising ourself harshly leads to greater unhappiness, high stress levels, more procrastination and reduces our ability to achieve future goals. Letting go of self-criticism makes room for us to be more compassionate toward ourselves. Self-compassion is way better for our wellbeing, relationships and communication. Self-compassion boosts resilience and improves physical health. Kristin Neff, who’s taken the lead in researching self-compassion, points out that people with high self-compassion show greater motivation to correct their mistakes (Breines & Chen, 2012). Self-compassion helps us tackle weaknesses and make positive changes, while avoiding becoming too defensive or feeling hopeless.

Let go of blaming others

It can be so tempting to blame other people when things don’t go as we hoped or planned. However, blaming others keeps us spinning around deny-blame-excuse cycle, rather than moving toward our goals. When we point fingers at others, we are essentially handing over our power and positioning ourselves as victims of circumstance. Letting go of blaming other people means we can take responsibility for our own actions and decisions. This ownership mindset moves us toward responding thoughtfully rather than reacting defensively. People who take responsibility create more trust with others around them. This builds and maintains psychologically safer environments where everyone feels more comfortable to acknowledge mistakes and learn from those mistakes. By letting go of blaming others and owning our actions and decisions, we start to see that challenges are opportunities for growth and innovation.

Let go of perfectionism

Perfectionism is such a trap. It feels like it’s driving performance and achievement, but it’s absolutely holding you back. Letting go of perfectionism means fully engaging with the 'messy middle' where real progress happens. If we are able to see ourselves as a work in progress, it removes the often paralysing pressure of getting everything right the first time. Prioritising growth and learning over perfectionism helps us take necessary risks, experiment with new approaches, and recover more quickly from setbacks. Research shows that leaders who embrace imperfection create more innovative cultures where team members feel safe to contribute ideas without fear of harsh judgment. Perfectionism blocks the path to excellence. Instead, aim for consistent progress through imperfect action.

Let go of being defensive

When we are on the receiving end of criticism or uncomfortable feedback, it’s natural to defend our position or actions. However, taking a defensive stance blocks genuine connection and prevents valuable learning. Letting go of defensiveness helps us to be more curious, which is a much more powerful mindset. Curiousity helps us ask questions instead of making assumptions, seek to understand different perspectives, and remain open to new information that might shift our thinking. By replacing defensiveness with curiosity, we turn potentially confrontational moments into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. This shift improves our relationships and expands our capacity to make better decisions informed by diverse viewpoints.

Let go of ignoring or suppressing emotions

When we ignore and suppress difficult emotions, they're still present, and they're driving and undermining our actions, relationships and communication. This results in us behaving in ways that are rigid, reactive and impulsive. By paying attention to how we feel, and treating ourselves kindly, we shift to being driven instead by our values. The result? Behaviour that is more intentional, calm and responsive. Part of conscious leadership is being emotionally aware, which enables authentic connection with other people. It helps us walk the talk that all emotions are valid and can provide valuable data. This emotional intelligence strengthens resilience, enhances decision-making, and creates more sustainable leadership practices that prevent burnout.

Let go of my point of view as the most important

We can sometimes spend a lot of time defending our perspectives and finding evidence to support them, to others and even to ourselves. And they might not even be the best options! Instead, try opening up to consider multiple perspectives. This is so important at the best of times, and even more important in our increasingly polarised world. Leaders who can hold their opinions lightly create inclusive environments which encourage diverse thinking. By actively seeking out and valuing different viewpoints, we access collective intelligence that leads to more creative solutions and better outcomes. The most effective leaders recognise that wisdom often emerges from integrating seemingly opposing ideas, rather than choosing one perspective over others.

Moving toward more conscious leadership

Focusing on continuous growth and awareness is at the heart of conscious leadership. Each time you let go of a limiting pattern, you make room for more authentic connection, clearer decision making and greater impact.

Moving forward starts with being more aware and paying attention. Which of these patterns resonates most strongly with you? Start there. Choose just one area to focus on this week and observe how it shows up for you. Small, consistent shifts in awareness lead to a big change, one conscious choice at a time.