Empathy at work
In my recent engagements, I’ve had many discussions about empathy at work. It’s been so good to hear the reflections people have shared about how real, practical empathy makes a difference in the way we build relationships, solve problems and lead ourselves and others effectively.
What empathy looks like in leadership
Empathy is about genuinely understanding what makes your people tick. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that empathy is comfortable or easy, because it’s not. You still need to have those hard conversations, to hold people accountable, and to challenge the status quo for change. However, when you get this right, it genuinely creates magic in your workplace.
Empathy looks like knowing something personal about each employee in a genuinely caring (not creepy!) way.
When decisions needed to be made, empathy means considering the human impact alongside the business case.
Why your bottom line loves empathetic leadership
What I love about empathy is that far from being a soft skill, empathetic leadership is a competitive advantage that shows up in your numbers.
Your team performs better
Empathy increases psychological safety. When people feel psychologically safe, they take more risks and share innovative ideas that have the potential to be brilliant. They admit when they've made a mistake before small problems become big ones.
People want to stay and do well
Good people have options. They'll stay longer at the company when they feel valued and understood. Decreasing turnover typically saves some serious money. it’s estimated that losing an employee can cost a company one-half to two times the employee’s salary. For technical positions, the cost can be 100 to 150 percent of salary. At the high end, C-suite turnover can cost 213 percent of salary.
Empathy also increases engagement at work. It’s bad news when good people leave, but it’s often worse when good people become disengaged but choose to stay. Disengaged staff cost 34% of their annual salary per year that they are employed.
As a leader, you make more informed decisions
When you listen to different perspectives at a deeper level, you spot things you might otherwise miss. You understand the ripple effects of your choices. You create a high level of buy-in because people feel heard.
The building blocks of empathetic leadership
Demonstrated listening (not waiting for your turn to talk)
We've all attended meetings where the leader is clearly waiting for everyone to stop talking so they can share their own brilliant idea. Demonstrated, active listening means being present, asking questions that dig deeper, and often being comfortable to sit with what feels like uncomfortable silence.
Understanding and regulating your own emotional state
More challenging emotions (anxiety, anger, stress) can drive and undermine our behaviour, relationships and communication. Emotions are also contagious. When we understand these concepts, we start to realise the importance of looking to our own emotions first to intentionally understand and connect with others.
Understanding others’ perspectives
Empathy involves understanding where people are coming from. Why might Sarah be resistant to the new process? What's driving Tom's sudden drop in performance? When you get curious about what is driving people’s actions, and start asking these questions, the potential paths forward become clearer.
Empathy in action: how it works in the real world
More helpful conversations on underperformance
Instead of launching into a list of what someone's doing wrong, or not doing at all, try starting with curiosity based on what you objectively see: "I've noticed your usual enthusiasm seems a bit flat lately. What's going on?" You might discover they're overwhelmed, unclear on priorities, or dealing with something personal that's affecting their work.
Leading through change
Change is hard. It’s a process full of mixed and heightened emotions. People often underestimate the emotional impact of change. Engaging empathy in change means to acknowledge that change is unsettling and to call out those emotional elephants in the room. It’s helpful to be honest about what you don't yet know and to give people space to process information and ask questions as they need.
Sorting out conflicts before they explode
Conflicts are often not about what they seem to be about on the surface. When people work together in stressful environments, tensions will inevitably bubble up. Before those tensions bubble over, try calling out what you might be seeing and encourage people to share what's really bothering them along with some potential solutions as they see it.
Develop your empathy
Start with yourself
Take a pause for a few minutes each day to check in on your own emotional state. What’s going on for you? How are you feeling? What emotions are driving your behaviour today? Is this how you want to be showing up or do you need to adjust your approach? What assumptions might you be making? You can keep a simple note on your phone or jot down these observations in a notebook (there are many advantages to going ‘analogue’ and using handwriting. Handwriting generally leads to deeper insights vs. typing).
Get curious about people
I read a LinkedIn post recently (apologies, but I can’t find it now to share) about someone’s experience of working with a leader who shared a ‘How to work with me’ document. This included helpful information about their strengths, weaknesses, how they like to receive information and so on. What was interesting was then the team all started to share their own versions with one another, which gave everyone some incredible insight into what made everyone tick. Another option to help build curiosity is to schedule one-to-ones which include real conversations alongside project updates. Asking people about their career aspirations, what energises them, and what drains can unearth some awesome insights, not to mention build and maintain relationships.
Learn from others
You can learn a lot from other people who are clearly putting empathy into practice. Find leaders you admire and take note on how they interact with people. How could ou take your learning from this and integrate into your leadership approach in an authetnci way? Another key way to develop your empathy is to ask for frequent feedback on your own leadership style from a range of sources, and be open to adjusting what you do based on that feedback.
The tough part of empathy
Staying accountable while being understanding
Some people express their concerns that empathy means lowering standards or giving people excuses to avoid their commitments. This is not the case. You can understand why someone's struggling and still expect them to meet their commitments at the same time. The key is separating the person from the performance issue and responding to the person and the issue appropriately.
Protecting your own energy
You might have heard the saying ‘you can't pour from an empty cup.’ Empathy starts with you, and you need to establish how to look after your energy so you can practise empathy with other people. You might set boundaries around your availability, and seek support when you need it as some practical steps. A good point to remember is that you're only responsible for understanding other people’s emotions, not fixing those emotions.
Empathy at scale
Depending on your role or the speed of growth in your organisation, you may not be able to personally connect with everyone. To scale up, you can train your managers in these empathy-driven approaches. You can create systems that reflect empathetic values. You can model the behaviour you want to see, and I personally think this is incredibly powerful.
Empathy for the future
The future belongs to leaders who can connect with people across cultures, generations, and working styles. With hybrid working and more diverse teams, empathy becomes ever more essential to survive and thrive.
The organisations that get this right will attract the best talent, adapt faster to change, and build stronger relationships with customers who increasingly want to work with companies that share their values.
The bottom line
Empathy in leadership is not about being soft. Empathy in leadership is a smart, strategic, conscious choice. It's about recognising that behind every employee ID number is a person with hopes, fears, and motivations that, when understood and respected, can drive extraordinary results.
In a world where AI is everywhere, and technology can automate many tasks, the ability to genuinely connect with and understand people becomes your greatest differentiator.
Here's my challenge to you for this week: can you have at least one conversation where you listen more than you talk? Maybe you can ask one question that goes deeper than surface level. Or try noticing one thing about a team member that you hadn't seen before.
Your people and your results will thank you for it.
What's your experience with empathy in leadership? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
