High-stakes conversations going sideways? Try engaging your emotional intelligence to help

Ever been in one of those meetings? The ones where the air crackles, you can sense the tension, voices get a little too pointed, and what started as a crucial discussion quickly spirals downwards? It’s a common issue described by my clients working in high pressure sectors like banking, law, and technology. When important decisions hang in the balance, and deadlines are tight and non-negotiable, conversations can become heated and unproductive very quickly.

The good news is that when you can engage your emotional intelligence, you are in a much better position to guide these interactions more constructively, without the usual emotional fallout.

The challenge of critical discussions

For most of the people I work with, these high-stakes  conversations are tough. There’s often a lot on the line: careers, client relationships, project success. People naturally feel passionate, or sometimes stressed or defensive, about their viewpoints.

The problem is that as humans, when our stress levels go up, our ability to think clearly reduces accordingly. As a result, we might react impulsively, say things we later regret, or shut down completely.

Adding to this, our brains constantly try to predict what will happen next, drawing on past experiences. This predictive function means that when we anticipate a difficult conversation, our emotions escalate even before the conversation starts. We might find ourselves feeling anxious, defensive, or even a bit combative simply by thinking about the upcoming interaction.

This happens because our brain is trying to prepare us for a perceived threat or challenge. When we know this, we can consciously use this predictive capacity to our advantage. Instead of letting prediction fuel unhelpful emotions, we can use it to mentally rehearse a more constructive approach, consider potential sticking points, and plan how we intend to respond thoughtfully.

Engaging emotional intelligence to stay steady

Emotional intelligence is a critical set of skills that help you manage yourself in these tense moments.

Emotional intelligence helps you remain calmer and more intentional, even when others around you are losing their cool.

Start with self-awareness

A key foundation of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Part of self-awareness means recognising your own emotional triggers. What situations or comments tend to set you off? What instantly evokes a difficult emotion like anger, anxiety or overwhelm, for example?

Perhaps it's when you feel your expertise is questioned, or when discussions become overly critical, or when a particular individual uses a certain tone.

Knowing your personal hotspots is a first crucial step. Once you identify these triggers, you can actively prepare for how you will handle them if they arise during a conversation. This preparation might involve

•  deciding beforehand on specific calming techniques you can use, like a subtle breathing exercise.

• mentally rehearsing a composed response to a likely trigger point, so you are not caught off-guard.

• planning specific phrases to use to redirect the conversation constructively or to state your position clearly without becoming reactive.

This foresight on your emotional triggers moves you from a position of reactivity to one where you can more consciously keep yourself calm and more able to keep the discussion focused and productive.

Then try regulating yourself

Self-regulation is often misunderstood as suppressing your emotions. In fact, self-regulation is about choosing your behaviour rather than letting your emotions dictate your actions.

When you can regulate yourself, you can think more clearly.

You are better equipped to analyse the situation more objectively and focus on problem solving, rather than getting caught up in emotions.

This ability to stay grounded is a real advantage.

Your emotional intelligence helps other people too

Your emotional intelligence positively impacts other people in the conversation too. When you approach a difficult discussion with composure and a degree of understanding, it helps a lot to de-escalate tension.

Another aspect of emotional intelligence involves understanding others. While you might not agree with their position, trying to see things from their perspective can make a big difference. It helps you communicate in a way that is more likely to be heard and less likely to provoke a defensive reaction. This can lead to a more open and constructive dialogue, where solutions are easier to find.

The ripple effect on the wider group

Here’s something else to consider: emotions are contagious.

I’m sure most people can think about their experience of this almost immediately.

If one person in a meeting is agitated and aggressive, that feeling spreads quickly, and the whole atmosphere rapidly becomes tense. Conversely, if a key individual remains calm and collected, their composure can also positively influence and de-escalate the emotions of the group.

By navigating your own emotional state effectively, you contribute to a more stable and productive environment for everyone involved. Your ability to stay centred can help keep the entire discussion on a more even keel, allowing the group to focus on the issues at hand rather than getting sidetracked by heightened emotions.

Making your emotions work for you, rather than against you

Developing your emotional intelligence is an ongoing process. However, it’s well worth your investment of time, effort and energy, because it yields significant rewards, especially in demanding professional environments.

It’s the tool that can help you, and those around you, achieve better results with less stress.

When you can handle tough conversations with greater skill and less emotional upset, you improve work outcomes while protecting your own wellbeing at the same time. You become a more effective leader and a more valued colleague.

Next time you anticipate a challenging conversation, what’s one thing you can do to engage your emotional intelligence?

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Dr Sarah Whyte is a keynote speaker, workshop facilitator, counsellor and coach.

Looking for a speaker to equip your leaders with proven strategies to perform at their peak without sacrificing their wellbeing? Let's connect.

Discover how the Conscious Leadership Advantage can transform your next event and empower your team to achieve sustainable success: send me a message on sarah@drsarahwhyte.com