The conscious leader's feedback fix
How do you feel about feedback?
The term ‘feedback’ generates a whole range of responses from many of my clients, from dread to apathy to anxiety. The responses are rarely positive.
Whether you are expected to share feedback or you’re on the receiving end, it seems that feedback turns into big missed opportunities to increase engagement, performance and retention.
Feedback Facts
The research shows some surprising insights into feedback. First, the good news for frequent feedback cultures:
Companies that implement regular employee feedback have a 14.9% lower turnover rate
65% of people want more feedback at work than they currently get.
43% of highly engaged employees receive feedback at least once a week.
Employees are 30x more likely to be actively engaged at work when managers focus on the employee’s strengths
69% of employees say they would work harder if they felt their efforts were better recognised
And for companies missing the mark on feedback:
65% of employees said they wanted more feedback
40% of workers are actively disengaged when they get little or no feedback
39% of employees report they don’t feel appreciated at work
Truthfully, while many people are keen to improve and build on their strengths, the way feedback is handled is often unhelpful, ineffective or stressful.
Like most facets of conscious leadership, by understanding what’s going on and adjusting our approach, feedback quickly becomes a genuinely useful tool for everyone.
Why feedback often flops
Many people feel uncomfortable giving feedback, especially when it’s negative or constructive feedback, which means they often do it poorly.
One common mistake is being too general. A comment like, “good job on that report” is nice to hear, but it doesn’t explain what was good about it. This make it difficult for the person to repeat their success.
Feedback frequency is another issue. Feedback is often saved for formal performance reviews, which means that small, easily-corrected issues are left to build up and may compound into bigger issues. For people giving feedback, giving infrequent feedback doesn’t provide enough opportunity to practise this skill.
Feedback often lacks clarity and can be confusing. A classic example of this is when people try to soften the impact of difficult feedback by mixing positive and negative comments in a feedback sandwich. This causes confusion for the recipient, as the key message can be unclear, and the recipient often discards the positive to focus on the negative sandwich filling.
The science behind feedback
There is a clear scientific reason why feedback feels stressful. One study showed that both the person giving the feedback and the recipient were in a high-stress, fight or flight mode. This is because the brain perceives the situation as a threat.
For the person giving the feedback, this may translate into rushing what they are saying or struggling to clearly articulate their points. For the person on the receiving end of the feedback, this state of high alert often makes them defensive. They are less able to listen properly and absorb the information. Instead of hearing a suggestion for improvement, their brain is focused on surviving the perceived attack, which means they are more likely to dismiss or ignore the feedback.
Needless to say, this is an unhelpful state for communication, learning and development.
Unfortunately, when feedback is delivered poorly, it can cause a lot of damage. It can knock a person’s confidence, create tension in working relationships, and negatively affect job outcomes.
A better way to approach feedback
Ask for feedback: one great option for avoiding that stressful, fight or flight state is to move from passively receiving feedback to actively asking for it. When you ask for feedback on specific areas, your brain no longer sees that feedback as a threat and stays calm. This means you are more able to listen to, process and act upon the feedback.
Be specific: when you ask for feedback, try to avoid vague questions like, “Do you have any feedback for me?” Instead, try being specific. For instance, you could ask, “What was one thing in my presentation that you found particularly clear?” or “What is one aspect of my communication style in meetings that I could improve?” This specificity helps the person giving the feedback too. It gives them a clear focus, so they don’t have to guess what you want to know. This reduces their discomfort and helps them provide much more useful information.
Ask for feedback ahead of time to focus people’s attention” you can tap into the brain’s predictive ability by asking a colleague or mentor for feedback ahead of time. For example, before a big meeting, you could say to a trusted colleague, “I’m going to present the project plan later today. Could you give me your thoughts afterwards on how clearly I explain the timelines?” By doing this, you prime their brain to expect the conversation, removing the element of surprise that triggers fight or flight.
Ask for permission to share feedback: when you are the person responsible for sharing feedback, asking the recipient for their permission to share has several benefits. It gives the recipient more autonomy over the conversation, it respects boundaries which makes the feedback more easily-received and effective. By giving people control, you increase the chances of your feedback being heard, accepted, and acted upon, leading to better communication and positive outcomes.
You can say something like “May I offer you some feedback?” or “Is this a good time to talk about what happened?” to start that conversation or to arrange a time for feedback when it will land better with the recipient.
The advantages of better feedback
When feedback is specific, timely, and actively sought, it becomes a key driver for high performance. It helps individuals understand their strengths and pinpoint exactly where they can improve.
Feedback can also contribute to building stronger, more trusting relationships within teams. When asking for feedback becomes a normal part of how a team operates, it creates a culture of continuous learning and mutual support. Stress is reduced, communication improves, and everyone is better equipped to do their best work.
Good quality feedback, delivered in a respectful and helpful way, is essential for creating a healthy, cohesive, high-performing team.
What’s your key takeaway on feedback from this week’s newsletter?
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Dr Sarah Whyte is a keynote speaker, workshop facilitator, counsellor and coach.
Looking for a speaker to equip your leaders with proven strategies to perform at their peak without sacrificing their wellbeing? Let's connect.
Discover how the Conscious Leadership Advantage can improve your next event and assist your team to achieve sustainable success: sarah@drsarahwhyte.com
